Category: Weight Loss Diaries

8 Lies People Tell You About Losing Weight


You know what’s both rewarding and a huge pain in the ass? Weight loss. One day, you’re so proud of yourself and are Instagramming every meal and workout so that it counts. The next day, you’re shoveling donuts into your mouth, crying over your keyboard, and avoiding social media like the black plague so nobody will be onto you.

I think a lot of the frustration comes from this misconception that it’s easy as long as you stick to your plan and try these little “tricks” people have convinced you totally work. Sure. Let’s look at all the lies.

1. Brushing your teeth helps reduce cravings. No it doesn’t. I have had many a mint-flavored chocolate chip cookie.

2. Water makes you feel full. LIES. Everyone should drink more water (currently drinking Dr. Pepper), but it does not make you feel full.

3. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. A lot of things taste as good as skinny feels. Donuts. Pie. French fries. Pizza. Cheeseburgers.


4. Exercise is fun as long as you find the right one. Unless by exercise, you mean seeing how many leg lifts you can do while holding a bottle glass of wine, that’s a lie.

5. Telling others keeps you accountable. All telling others does is make them judge you for everything you put in your mouth, no pun intended. Do you really want to enjoy your one tiny piece of chocolate for the week while hiding in the work bathroom because you don’t want to hear 10 people ask “Are you sure you want to eat that?!”

6. Get a workout partner. I want to be able to pant heavily and walk with my mouth wide open because I’m so tired breathing through my nose is no longer an option. So, pass.

7. Cauliflower tastes like mashed potatoes. STOP. I will admit, mashed cauliflower with a shitload of butter is delicious. But let me tell you a secret: IT DOES NOT TASTE LIKE MASHED POTATOES. It tastes like mashed cauliflower with butter.

8. Moment on the lips, forever on the hips. If this is true, my hips are nothing but french fries and energy drinks.

Tips From a Real Human Who Has Lost Weight

I have all the secrets to losing weight. The normal, healthy way. Are you ready for it?

Eat less. Eat better. Drink water. Exercise more. Take your vitamins. Keep drinking water. Stop posting about your “diet” on Facebook. Don’t Instagram everything you eat. Drink more water.

That’s it. Lesson over.

My Brain is Making Me Fat | Surviving Cravings


I didn’t want this to be my first blog post here. I wanted to do the obligatory “Who Am I” nonsense that everyone else likes to do. Introduce you to who I am, why I started this blog, and what it’s for. Blah blah. You get it.

But today wasn’t like every other day, except in a way it was. Great. Start.

My health journey so far has been a constant battle between my subconscious and my other subconscious. Yes, I do believe I have two. No, I know nothing about biology.

My first subconscious, Subconscious Chick, is the smart, sensible one. She is realistic, understands what I need to do to be healthy, and totally gets that I have major emotional eating tendencies. She gets shit done.

My second subconscious, Subconscious Dude, is a huge pain in the ass. He makes excuses, sabotages me, and basically just wants me to fail in every possible way. What. A. Jerk.

Today was one of those days where my emotions kind of take over, Subconscious Dude comes in, and suddenly all I want to do is eat junk food. I had allll the excuses too.



I have a toothache, so I can only eat soft food, so ice cream and mashed potatoes is all I can have. Mine as well just have another cheat day.

Oh, I’m not feeling well. It’s from all the veggies. My stomach doesn’t like them. I never got sick off sugary cereal and fried food (LIES).

IT’S NOT FAIR. I want to eat what I want! This is stupid. I’m the same person if I’m fat. I like myself this way. (ANOTHER LIE)

I convinced myself I needed to eat what I wanted today (even though I had a cheat day yesterday). I convinced myself it was the right thing to do. I convinced myself that no way could I concentrate on work unless I ate sugar and bread and sugar and a little more sugar. I went so far as to check Door Dash for what could be delivered to me. In the process of this, I discovered I was forcing myself to find something that ‘was worth it’.

That is how my cheats are while on Keto. If I am being knocked out of ketosis, it has to be worth it. It has to be like my favorite thing in the world. When I couldn’t find something, I discovered I wasn’t even having a craving. And I couldn’t remember why I wanted to do it. Beautiful, sensible Subconscious Chick took over and reminded me that this was just emotional eating.

I drank more water, stuck it out for an hour, then made fried eggs and avocado for brunch. The moral of the story? Sometimes your mind is playing tricks on you. Sometimes all you need is a little clarity. Don’t ignore the mental or physical signs that you’re making the wrong decision. This could have easily turned into another day where I spend $50 on having junk food delivered, only to feel like shit 5 minutes later out of guilt and because the food never makes me feel better physically.

Did I make it through the day staying on Keto and without any oopsies? Yes.

Do I still really wish I ate donuts? Yes.

Welcome to my blog. It’s a real shit-show.