How to Decorate a Christmas Tree

This is from Christmas 2014-ish.



My mom wins Christmas. Not only does she have the best decorations, but she always goes overboard all out. She has not one, not two, not three, but four Christmas trees this year. For the past few years, she has asked her daughters to help her decorate a tree. I have had the blue & white tree for a couple years in a row. It’s the best one. She would say her Victorian tree is, but clearly my tree is flawless. (Just kidding, Mom)

If you think decorating a tree involves putting ornaments on it wherever you feel like, you don’t understand how it works. I’m a lazy decorator (obviously) and would love nothing more than to throw them on and shout, “Done!” But with mom, Christmas is serious business. So here is the laziest possible way to decorate trees that look like they took longer than 10 minutes.

Procrastinate by looking at other decorations first. This helps you get into the Christmas spirit.


Spend a minute or two admiring your new Christmas socks. Great choice, Jenn. Your feet look amazing.


Fight with the hooks to try to unravel them. Throw them down in disgust. Don’t take a picture of that part.


Take ornaments out of the bins one-by-one, making sure to organize them. If you just start grabbing from the box at random, your tree will look terrible.



Choose your biggest and longest ornaments first. Forget to take pictures of the biggest ornaments, and go to the icicles next.


Find any empty space you can to stand. Admire socks again.


Hang just as many ornaments in the back of the tree, as the front. Otherwise you will have a tree tipping situation on your hands, and nobody wants to deal with that. Take a picture sideways and forget to rotate it so it makes no sense.


Always use all of one type of ornament first, then go to the next. This keeps the placement more versatile, and keeps your mom from correcting your many mistakes in disgust. There is nothing worse than two of the exact same decorations next to each other. Tacky.



Fill in the empty spaces with your balls and smaller ornaments. Make sure you don’t take pictures of that part so this entire tutorial is pointless.



Just kidding, your sister left early so you have to return to finish hers.


Organize her ornaments since she clearly ignored rule # 4.


Shout “DONE!”